He's Got This - Jess Barrett

A while back I felt called to do a series called "He's Got This" - the heart behind this movement was to encourage people through the joys and trials of life. A place for people to share their testimony of where God has proved himself faithful, in something they are going through currently or something they have been through and come out the other side. We have had some really beautiful stories shared but when I moved over from Wordpress to Squarespace I dropped this element of the blog, which has been playing on my heart ever since. So now I'm bringing it back. Monthly we will be posting a "He's Got This" blog post, sharing the story of someone in our world, to encourage you in your journey. 

To start this off again I thought I might share something. It's not fair of me to ask other people to spill out their hearts and share a story God's faithfulness if I'm not willing to do the same. So here is my He's Got This..

Hillsong Conference 2016. I won't forget it. After a phenomenal preach by Erwin McManus he came back up onto stage and asked everyone to ask God, with a heart full of faith, for the one thing we so strongly desired from God in our lives. At that moment, with conviction and full of faith, I placed my hands on my stomach and told God that we wanted a baby. 

From January 2016 DB and I had been relaxed about trying for a baby. Each month my monthly reminder told me I was indeed, not pregnant, and each month my faith for what I longed for diminished. Just before conference I broke down with DB, desperate to not have problems conceiving and desperate not to lose hope and faith in a God who can provide. And so when Erwin McManus asked what we might pray for, I knew that I needed to ask God for what we longed for, with the faith of myself and the thousands of people around me.

Little did I know at that time, I was actually pregnant. A week later, after experiencing some strange cramps I went to hospital for a check up - that is where I found out I was pregnant. DB was away and I rang him immediately, tears of joy streaming down my face - we were pregnant, God had heard our cry and blessed us with a baby. 
A few days later, after experiencing more cramps, some spotting and numerous visits to the hospital we learnt we were losing our baby. What I had grown to love and be excited for and prayed so whole heartedly for for the last 5 days was suddenly gone and I was empty.

With a broken heart, we made our way home. All I could do was run away, I didn't want to be around anything familiar. We packed a bag and booked a hotel. We cried and fell asleep, only to wake up the next morning and realise it was reality and running away wouldn't fix it or us.

For us, being part of church has been our lives. And I can honestly say, that doing this season without the church's support around us would of been near impossible. Our fridge was filled with food, meals were provided and our home became a florist - prayers were prayed over us and what  was a hard season, where we could of felt un-loved was actually a season where we have never felt more loved.
The way we prayed as a couple and individually over that season was with a faith I've never experienced. Dan was adamant we wouldn't stay in a place of mourning (and for that I'm eternally grateful) and that our story wouldn't be one that just we benefit from, but we can encourage others through our pain to believe in better things.

Week in, week out, I stood in worship, tears streaming down my face, with a broken heart, no way of understanding why, but with a firm faith that my God is a good God, that He answered my prayer when I asked for a baby and He can answer my prayer again. My deepest prayer was that with each month that may pass where I may not be pregnant, my faith would grow and not deter.

8 or 9 weeks later, DB and I went on a short break to a little cottage in Cornwall, it was here that we found out I was pregnant again. Fear grasped my heart but we stood firm and prayed that God would protect us and this child he's gifted us. We knew God had a perfect plan for us and that whatever happened, we would use it to bring God glory. 

Now, at 39 weeks pregnant, I sit and wait for our healthy little boy to be born. At times, fear still rises, but I ultimately know that God has trusted us with this life and my God is a good God. I won't lie, I still mourn the loss of our first child, when a certain song plays or I think back on that time - but I rejoice that I get to meet this child of ours, and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

My faith in God has never been tested as much as it has in this season, but it's also never been stronger.  The challenge is to have the faith that He's Got This in the midst of a storm - it's not easy, tears will flow, your heart may be broken, but I encourage you to believe that through it all, God is good. Don't blame Him but draw closer to Him -  He is the comfort you need and He brings the healing you need. 

A friend reminded me of a beautiful verse just after our miscarriage, which has continually bought me comfort and that was Matthew 28:20 "...and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

So that's my He's Got This story - I hope in a way it encourages you, in your faith, in your journey. 

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If you would like to share your story, please email jess@defineadream.co.uk